Blog #4: Plot Writing

My plot writing, the following piece, is about an 18 year old girl, Sofia, who is vacationing on a cruise with her family. She decides to go on an excursion by herself on a quaint, uninhabited island. As she is busy snorkeling, most of the people, also on the excursion, go back to the ship but Sofia and a few others stay. That's only the beginning where everything goes wrong.

The crystal azure ocean water splashed around me. Below my pressurizing lifejacket, black and white striped fish swam in and out of the static reef. The salty water spread over my taste buds and overtook my sense of smell. I smiled into my snorkel mask. This is paradise, I thought to myself, feeling the sweltering sun beat down on my pale skin. My family would have loved this but I decided that going on this small escape from the cruise would be my first excursion into adulthood, literally. Suddenly aware that there were less people in the water, my eyes searched for movement. The only one I found was a tall, muscular blonde about 20 feet away from me.

“Where is everyone?” I called, paddling my arms and kicking my legs as hard as I could.

She looked around, eyebrows furrowing. Her powerful arms suddenly propelled her in the direction of the shore, leaving me in her wake. Flinging my arms as fast as possible, my mind started to race with panic. Sand enveloped me, allowing the water to haul my delicate body back out to sea. I fought the waves, survival on my mind, until my effete arms pulled me out of the capable waves. Sporadic breaths escaped me; my lungs searched for air.

            “Oh my gosh, where is everyone?” I looked around: nauseated, disoriented, shaken.

“HONK HONK!” I could see the ship in the distance. Distance. I bounded into the water, as if that would help me catch up to the boat. I suddenly stopped and watched the ship disappear over the horizon. I trumped out of the waves. My legs collapsed; I fell into the thick sand and tried to catch my breath, a task harder than it should have been.  I’m alone, I thought. Alone and forgotten and I am going to die. I peered around at the forest behind the beach. I could see the end of the island; it was only about 200 square miles.

            “Hey, are you OK?”  a deep voice called from behind me. I whipped around to find a tall, cut, and cute boy tilting his head at me, a grave expression covered his face. The athletic girl I had seen earlier stood behind him.

            “No, I am not OK, for your information. WE ARE GOING TO DIE HERE,” I wailed, swinging my arms to emphasize my distress. The blonde rolled her eyes.

            “Oh, be quiet. My best friends are on that ship; they won’t leave me behind,” she scoffed, throwing her long curls over her shoulder. I bit my lip, trying to hide my longing to be back on that ship with my pesky little brother, my caring mom, my stern father.

            “I’m Amber, by the way,” the blonde finally named herself.

            “I’m Xavier,” the boy was soft-spoken; I leaned in to catch his name.

            “Sofia,” I placed a hand on my hip, trying to look as confident as possible in a time of fear. Amber had that look covered.

            “So, I have my phone but…” Xavier started, his gaze leading out to the now-miniscule cruise ship along the horizon. I clapped my hands.

            “Thank goodness. Where is it?” I asked, my voice cracking from joy; finally hope emerged from the depths of my mind.

            “We’re not going to get service out here, ging,” Amber derided. I instinctively tucked my red locks behind my ear; I hated it when people commented about my hair.

            “Then what are we going to do?” I wanted to cry. My world was ending and I was only 18: 18 AS OF TODAY. 18 is too young to die, I whimpered to myself.

            “Well, why just sit here when we could be doing something productive?” Xavier’s tan legs picked him off the ground and distractedly carried him toward a broken down tree.

            “It’ll get cold out here when the sun sets.”

            “Come on, Sofia; let’s go find some sticks so we can start a fire. Xavier, collect some rocks that would be good to make a fire pit,” Amber directed. I admired her sense of confidence.

            I hesitantly started into the tropical trees. Dark, shaggy coconuts coated the ground. A burning exploded over my body as twigs and branches scraped my legs. I hugged my arms; my short, strapless cover-up wasn’t very protective. Thick stumps surrounded my vision as I bent down to pick up honorable sized sticks. Stick by stick, my arms filled up until I had about 15 branches. I followed the sun to get out of the woods. I got to the edge of the tree line and stopped. Everything seemed right; the ocean had receded to low tide, the sun sunk far into the horizon, the sky was lit up with the warm colors of the rainbow. There was one problem: Xavier and Amber were nowhere to be found. I walked down the coast, my heart skipping a few beats as loud thumps engulf my head. My mind raced from lack of food and water. I was delusional.

            Two dark shapes emerged at the top of a hill from the end of my vision. My mind jumped as I ran towards them. As I approached, I was greeted by disgusted looks.

            “Where have you been?” Amber barked.

            “Got- lost” I gasped, throwing my sticks on the ground. Amber picked up the sticks one by one and placed them inside a circle of rocks twenty feet from the edge of the forest. A leaf lay under the sticks to protect them from the moist sand. Xavier picked up a smaller stick and rubbed it back and forth. I lay on my back, admiring the fuchsia sky.

            “Yes!” Amber screamed. I shot up to see a small spark emerging from the fire. It faded as fast as it had started. My mouth dropped in horror.

            “What is going on? Why did that happen?” Xavier picked up one of the sticks.

            “It’s damp,” he observed.

Xavier slowly trekked off and sat down on the mushy sand, his gaze still held the direction the boat had gone. I sat down, too, and indulged in some small talk with Amber, letting the hopelessness set within me.

“Who were you on the cruise with?” Amber asked; her voice was softer than it was earlier.

“My family,” I half sulked. I could imagine them on the cruise, bickering away as they debated the health aspects of dinner. “What about you?”

“My best friends; my family wouldn’t care enough to take me on a cruise.” I rose an eyebrow, shocked by the weakness in what I thought was a non-destructible girl.

 Suddenly; a meager flash caught the corner of my eye. I brushed away the thought accepting my state of delusion and knowing it was probably nothing. My body overpowered my weak mind and twisted my neck around without hesitation. In the distance, a small barge slowly accelerated toward us. Maybe there was hope after all.

In my piece, I think that I demonstrate the proper use of a "W" plot. While describing the events, I also believe that I use good examples of sensory detail. This skill helps enhance the writing and put the reader in the characters shoes. Along with this, I also think I did well showing the other characters personalities through their actions and words. To make my piece better, I could have added a few more events at the end to conclude the story before the very end.

Character Development: Water for Elephants

In my opinion, book or movie is good if there is a good plot, and great characters to experience that plot. For me to really connect with a character, or even understand their motive fully, I need to see their full personality in many types of situations. When thinking about a character developing in a mere single scene, August, from "Water for Elephants", was one of the first and best to come to mind.

"Water for Elephants"is about a man, Jacob, who's family died in a horrific car crash. Jacob is left with no money and no place to go. Since this takes place during the Great Depression, Jacob needs to find work fast, before he dies or starves. After receiving the news of his parents death, Jacob tries to escape by walking along the train tracks. He sees a train heading his way and makes the bold decision to hop on. It turns out that the train is a circus train and Jacob is able to find work on the train as the elephant trainer. While working with Rosie the elephant, Jacob slowly falls in love with the beautiful star entertainer, Marlena, who happens to be married to the cruel manager of the circus, August. While Jacob falls for Marlena, Marlena starts to fall for Jacob, as well. August takes notice of this when they are at an illegal club that gets shut down by the police. The three have to split up to get away as quickly as possible. Jacob and Marlena go together, while August goes alone. They reunite later that night and while showing August the tricks he has taught Rosie, August gives him a clear warning:

In this scene, I love how much August develops. He starts off as a kind and happy man, learning the new tricks of the beautiful elephant, Rosie. As the scene continues, and he starts to talk about Marlena, August becomes very defensive. He indirectly tells Jacob that he knows there is chemistry between Marlena and Jacob. He also states that it needs to stop, or else there will be consequences. This scene is a strong example of showing relationship conflict between August and Jacob because up to this point in the movie, Jacob and August had been friends but now, this shows that their relationship is slowly changing. Along with August's personality, you learn a lot about Jacob, too. The viewer of this scene can learn that Jacob is obedient and quiet but also show uncomfortable body language when placed in this situation. Although August is the "bad guy" of "Water for Elephants", his character development during the film is fantastic and he shows his true colors more and more with each scene.

"True love can thaw a frozen heart..." (Specificity Scene)

When you think of Disney movies, you probably think of some little-girl's favorite movie with some cheesy ending where the prince always manages to save the princess. This Disney tradition has gone on for as long as I can remember. Breaking the typical Disney precedent, however, was achieved this year by the popular film, "Frozen". This amazing movie is about the adventure of Anna, a princess, who tries to get her ice-queen, Elsa, to unfreeze the frozen eternity she accidentally put over their country. While in the process of talking with Elsa, Anna is accidentally hit in the heart with an ice spell and the only way to cure her from freezing to death is to experience an act of true love. Anna rushes back to the palace to find this act with her "true love", Hans. After that plan doesn't work out and consulting with the comical yet wise Olaf, Anna escapes the palace and goes to search for her real true love, Christof. That's where my scene starts off:

I love this scene because instead of the typical prince-saves-princess ending, Anna saves her sister-another act of true love. In the modern day, most of us are brain-washed into thinking that the only type of true love is between two lovers, while in reality, it can be between friends, siblings, etc. Along with this, I love how Anna has the chance to save herself but decides to save her sister instead. This action clumped together Anna's character and qualities represented throughout the movie. Olaf, the snowman, adds nice commentary to get the point across and also sum up the movie. This scene, for me, makes "Frozen" one of my favorite movies of all time and helped me remember who are the really important people in my life.

Ill-Advised Moment: The Day I Flew

Ashley Michelle Volpenhein is not someone you want to make mad. I unfortunately learned this first hand and never will I make the mistake again. I still remember the day; the laughter of my friends filling my ears, the chatter of parents in the stands, swimmers splashing in the crystal water while preparing for their races. Chlorine was all that I tasted and smelled. My skin itched from the dried water. This was what I trained all season for: this was 2013 winter JO’s (Junior Olympics- which are truly not as exciting or professional as they sound). Snow covered the ground outside of the large natatorium, while the warm air inside surrounds me, as did my friends. 

                “Awh look who it is Ash,” I exclaimed, a large smirk growing on my face.

“Should we call him over?” Ardy laughed. Ardy was always laughing at anything and everything, so much that the smile lines on around his mouth never disappeared from his dark, tan skin.

“Joshhhhhh,” I mockingly yelled to him as he walked past our Mason Manta Ray bleacher. I knew this was a sensitive subject for her, which is why I kept going.

This was revenge for all of the mean things SHE has said to ME, I thought.

Mike, Ardy, and I laughed until our faces turned red, little did we notice, so did Ashley’s.

“Wow you’re really funny, Josephine,” she snarled, her nose scrunched as if she smelled a vulgar stench. All the laughter stopped. All eyes turned to her, even those that weren’t involved in our conversation. With an eye-brow raised, I considered possible responses: I could use a cocky response or an apology.

Feeling rebellious, I spoke in a firm tone, “Oh is that a touchy subject for you, Ashley?” A line appeared in between her eye brows and her face was a shade close to a deep violet. She grabbed her navy cap and green goggles, pushed Mike over, jumped off the bleachers, and stormed off toward the warm-down pool.

“Yikes,” Mike’s big blue eyes growing even bigger. I nodded, partially terrified, partially proud that I finally stood up to her. My gaze remained on warm-down pool directly in front of us.

“She’ll come back,” Ardy reassured us, “But you might not want to mention that again!” The three of us laughed again and continued our conversation. About five minutes later, Ashley re-approached the bleachers. She looked less mad but her eyes carried a wild gleam. She ascended the bleachers one long stride at a time until she got to the very top. With her arms crossed and a peculiar grin on her face, she looked down at us a few seats down. We looked straight back up at her.

“Hey Josephine, come here,” she called down. Being the gullible, innocent 8^th grader I was, I of course got up and started to climb towards her, my eyes curious like it was Christmas morning. I reached the second to top step when I felt two hands on my shoulders, then a large push. I flew through the air, arms flailing and a high pitched scream escaping my mouth. A second later, about five swim bags were under my body. I remain laying there, trying to recover from the event that had just happened. A strong, metallic taste spread over my tongue. I lifted my head to see Ardy and Mike looking at me stunned and Ashley cracking up. I tried to get up but my leg gets caught in one of the swim bags and I tripped onto the bleachers again. Ashley’s face is turned red from laughing and I look at her with a disgusted look. Every part of my body was ached.

“Really?” I say, tears still streaming down my face. I don’t want to look weak, but I can’t help it.

“Josephine, I did not know that you would fly through the air, I am so so sorry. Please do not tell Coach Todd,” she begged, although she was still laughing. I questioned my friendship with her.

“Fine,” I said in a sassy tone, “But next time I WILL tell Todd.”

“Alright,” she hugged me and I half-heartily hugged back. How could I not forgive the funniest person I know?

Looking back on that moment now, it appears that our roles in our friendship have become much more equal. Ashley tortures me much less now, but when she does, I fight back. She has become one of the best friends I have ever had and we have the best times together. Now-a-days, I avoid making her angry at all costs, and if I do, I make sure to stay clear of her for at least a day.

 

In this writing piece, I think that I did a good job of describing the details of the scene. I feel like I used advanced diction and higher level vocabulary. In my future pieces, I will try to use more sensory details of sound and touch.