Blog #4: Plot Writing

My plot writing, the following piece, is about an 18 year old girl, Sofia, who is vacationing on a cruise with her family. She decides to go on an excursion by herself on a quaint, uninhabited island. As she is busy snorkeling, most of the people, also on the excursion, go back to the ship but Sofia and a few others stay. That's only the beginning where everything goes wrong.

The crystal azure ocean water splashed around me. Below my pressurizing lifejacket, black and white striped fish swam in and out of the static reef. The salty water spread over my taste buds and overtook my sense of smell. I smiled into my snorkel mask. This is paradise, I thought to myself, feeling the sweltering sun beat down on my pale skin. My family would have loved this but I decided that going on this small escape from the cruise would be my first excursion into adulthood, literally. Suddenly aware that there were less people in the water, my eyes searched for movement. The only one I found was a tall, muscular blonde about 20 feet away from me.

“Where is everyone?” I called, paddling my arms and kicking my legs as hard as I could.

She looked around, eyebrows furrowing. Her powerful arms suddenly propelled her in the direction of the shore, leaving me in her wake. Flinging my arms as fast as possible, my mind started to race with panic. Sand enveloped me, allowing the water to haul my delicate body back out to sea. I fought the waves, survival on my mind, until my effete arms pulled me out of the capable waves. Sporadic breaths escaped me; my lungs searched for air.

            “Oh my gosh, where is everyone?” I looked around: nauseated, disoriented, shaken.

“HONK HONK!” I could see the ship in the distance. Distance. I bounded into the water, as if that would help me catch up to the boat. I suddenly stopped and watched the ship disappear over the horizon. I trumped out of the waves. My legs collapsed; I fell into the thick sand and tried to catch my breath, a task harder than it should have been.  I’m alone, I thought. Alone and forgotten and I am going to die. I peered around at the forest behind the beach. I could see the end of the island; it was only about 200 square miles.

            “Hey, are you OK?”  a deep voice called from behind me. I whipped around to find a tall, cut, and cute boy tilting his head at me, a grave expression covered his face. The athletic girl I had seen earlier stood behind him.

            “No, I am not OK, for your information. WE ARE GOING TO DIE HERE,” I wailed, swinging my arms to emphasize my distress. The blonde rolled her eyes.

            “Oh, be quiet. My best friends are on that ship; they won’t leave me behind,” she scoffed, throwing her long curls over her shoulder. I bit my lip, trying to hide my longing to be back on that ship with my pesky little brother, my caring mom, my stern father.

            “I’m Amber, by the way,” the blonde finally named herself.

            “I’m Xavier,” the boy was soft-spoken; I leaned in to catch his name.

            “Sofia,” I placed a hand on my hip, trying to look as confident as possible in a time of fear. Amber had that look covered.

            “So, I have my phone but…” Xavier started, his gaze leading out to the now-miniscule cruise ship along the horizon. I clapped my hands.

            “Thank goodness. Where is it?” I asked, my voice cracking from joy; finally hope emerged from the depths of my mind.

            “We’re not going to get service out here, ging,” Amber derided. I instinctively tucked my red locks behind my ear; I hated it when people commented about my hair.

            “Then what are we going to do?” I wanted to cry. My world was ending and I was only 18: 18 AS OF TODAY. 18 is too young to die, I whimpered to myself.

            “Well, why just sit here when we could be doing something productive?” Xavier’s tan legs picked him off the ground and distractedly carried him toward a broken down tree.

            “It’ll get cold out here when the sun sets.”

            “Come on, Sofia; let’s go find some sticks so we can start a fire. Xavier, collect some rocks that would be good to make a fire pit,” Amber directed. I admired her sense of confidence.

            I hesitantly started into the tropical trees. Dark, shaggy coconuts coated the ground. A burning exploded over my body as twigs and branches scraped my legs. I hugged my arms; my short, strapless cover-up wasn’t very protective. Thick stumps surrounded my vision as I bent down to pick up honorable sized sticks. Stick by stick, my arms filled up until I had about 15 branches. I followed the sun to get out of the woods. I got to the edge of the tree line and stopped. Everything seemed right; the ocean had receded to low tide, the sun sunk far into the horizon, the sky was lit up with the warm colors of the rainbow. There was one problem: Xavier and Amber were nowhere to be found. I walked down the coast, my heart skipping a few beats as loud thumps engulf my head. My mind raced from lack of food and water. I was delusional.

            Two dark shapes emerged at the top of a hill from the end of my vision. My mind jumped as I ran towards them. As I approached, I was greeted by disgusted looks.

            “Where have you been?” Amber barked.

            “Got- lost” I gasped, throwing my sticks on the ground. Amber picked up the sticks one by one and placed them inside a circle of rocks twenty feet from the edge of the forest. A leaf lay under the sticks to protect them from the moist sand. Xavier picked up a smaller stick and rubbed it back and forth. I lay on my back, admiring the fuchsia sky.

            “Yes!” Amber screamed. I shot up to see a small spark emerging from the fire. It faded as fast as it had started. My mouth dropped in horror.

            “What is going on? Why did that happen?” Xavier picked up one of the sticks.

            “It’s damp,” he observed.

Xavier slowly trekked off and sat down on the mushy sand, his gaze still held the direction the boat had gone. I sat down, too, and indulged in some small talk with Amber, letting the hopelessness set within me.

“Who were you on the cruise with?” Amber asked; her voice was softer than it was earlier.

“My family,” I half sulked. I could imagine them on the cruise, bickering away as they debated the health aspects of dinner. “What about you?”

“My best friends; my family wouldn’t care enough to take me on a cruise.” I rose an eyebrow, shocked by the weakness in what I thought was a non-destructible girl.

 Suddenly; a meager flash caught the corner of my eye. I brushed away the thought accepting my state of delusion and knowing it was probably nothing. My body overpowered my weak mind and twisted my neck around without hesitation. In the distance, a small barge slowly accelerated toward us. Maybe there was hope after all.

In my piece, I think that I demonstrate the proper use of a "W" plot. While describing the events, I also believe that I use good examples of sensory detail. This skill helps enhance the writing and put the reader in the characters shoes. Along with this, I also think I did well showing the other characters personalities through their actions and words. To make my piece better, I could have added a few more events at the end to conclude the story before the very end.